bar poems collection #1

giving up on you
is like giving up on
hope
but sometimes we hold on to hope
when hope is unhealthy
and i want you
like a doublecheeseburger

—-

i call you Him
with a capital H
because that’s all you are to me,
a proper noun

—-

when we reach the bitter end
and all roads have converged
and all signs directed us here
and we’ve ridden the path as far as it goes
what if
we keep going anyway?

—-

i see you
as small as a dream
and i am invisible as a dream in someone else’s head
we are so far away
from one another

—-

you came here and sat down four seats away
your wind trailing you and filling the space with your smell
but you never looked at me.
i suppose we’ve answered the question
of “how to act if we see each other”
i suppose we’ve answered the question
of “how to ask ‘remember when?”
i miss you like the child
who never received affection from its father
and has always craved something vague
but never knew until confronted what it was

—-

nothing
provides
satisfaction
anymore

—-

i am giving up the part the holds steady
the self-sufficiency
because i am broken and unwhole without you
does this say more about me
or about you?

—-

a list of my transgressions:
fat, fat, fat, fat, ugly,
disfigured, annoying,
needy, ugly, fat, gross,
fucked up,
unlovable,
fat, fat, fat, ugly.

—-

you fail to acknowledge me
as one fails to acknowledge an object
that is not theirs

—-

call me
the queen
of being
fucked up
beyond repair

—-

dear lord
let me
never fall
in love
ever again

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